This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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