Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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