She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
even my farts smell like vagina
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
