You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
