I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
