dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
