I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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