I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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