I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
