I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
