It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
