Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Found the puke drawer
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
