And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
