So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
