Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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