Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize