I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
