I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
