i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
