Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
