Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
