I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
