I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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