i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
