sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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