So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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