he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
