I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
look no pants
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
