official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
