Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
