We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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