The best revenge is premature balding
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
