Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
