I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
