I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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