Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
