Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
