I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
