I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
