the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize