evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
