i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
