yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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