Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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