We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
