Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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