Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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