I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
