I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
