he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
