i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
