i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
The ass gains better be worth it
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
