Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Let's get the cat blown out
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
