Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
