Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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