Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
