you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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