I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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