So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
