You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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