It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
