Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We are two peas in an std pod
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
