thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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