I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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