Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
