i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You need Xanax blowdarts
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
try to milk me bitch
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
