you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize