Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize