you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
