it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
