i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
