In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
