We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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