I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
