yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
