Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
