You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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