dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
