There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
