I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I am available for nakedness
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
